How to deal with lies in a relationship

How to deal with lies in a relationship

Have you seen this quote?

“The worst part about being lied to is knowing that you were not worth the truth.”

I saw that in a recent Facebook post by a friend who found out her husband lied to her about his internet use and the kinds of sites he was visiting (I’ll let you guess; it rhymes with corn).

But I actually disagree with the quote.

The quote basically says that lies hurt because it makes you feel like you’re unworthy of the truth. But I think the quote misappropriates the injury. Someone can only injury our sense of worth if we believe that our worth can be compromised by another person.

Aren’t we already worthy?

What’s really being injured is the integrity of the relationship.

Being lied to hurts because Continue Reading

There IS a “Happiness Pill” and these are the ingredients

There IS a "Happiness Pill" and these are the ingredients

“I wish there were a happy pill” a reader said after describing the really tough situation she was experiencing in her health and relationships.

It got me thinking.

Finding happiness is a buzz word these days.

It probably sells millions of self-help books a year. But the success of happiness books is also a testament to the need for more happiness and peace in our very hurried lives.

We are all craving more peace.

We are all craving more joy.

If there were a magic pill we’d all be living blissfully fulfilling lives right now.

But then I look at Eckhart Tolle who in his dark night of the soul wanted to end his life, but he then had a sudden awakening…a break from the misery that made him realize he didn’t have to suffer.

He saw there was the “self” that was suffering and the “self” that was observing the suffering.

He awoke the next day with a sense of happiness and connection that he hadn’t experienced before.

This tells me that happiness doesn’t take time, it takes Continue Reading

5 Ways to Reconnect with Your Wholeness

“It must have been something I did or said or didn’t do…”

For many of us, when something goes wrong at work or in our relationships – when something triggers our fears – it is easy to internalize the problem…and then mull over and over again in our minds how the scene should have gone.

As highly conscious people, our better self knows that mulling, stewing, blaming ourselves is not ultimately helpful.

But it’s hard to resist the emotional tug of how we could have been better able to control the situation.

In other words, we offer a passive reminder to our self that we could have done more, that we should have done more…that we haven’t done enough, that we’re imperfect, deficient, lacking…Continue Reading

The truth about death, loss, and regaining our joy

It was the Saturday after Thanksgiving and I’ll never forgot the sound of my sister’s voice when she called.

“Melissa, did you hear?” she said in a slow, hushed tone.

My mind raced. Maybe grandma was in hospital again. Or something horrible happened to one of our friends.

“Milo died.” she said.

“What?” And then I flooded her with questions about who was with him, what time did he die, why did he die, was he sick, did she know if he was in any pain…

Milo was old, but lively the last time that I saw him. At 16 years old he was 112 in human years. Yes, Milo was our Pug.

It was a day we knew was long coming.

He was old, blind, hard of hearing. He ate, drank, walked, but he did so very slowly. But my parents and grandmothers (my grandmothers live with my folks) loved, played with, and talked to him as if he were an adopted child.

So when he passed, they wrapped him in towel, surrounded his body with potted orchids and a statuette of the Virgin Mary. Family members came to touch him and cry. And for three days after he died, I lay awake at night tearful and missing him.

Why was this affecting me so, I thought to myself. He was a dog, for God’s sake, my mind argued. the loss and finality of his physical presence was difficult to grasp. People and animals die all the time. It’s a perfectly natural thing. So why couldn’t I wrap my head around it. We all know what happens, but there’s a mysteriousness to it every single time. One moment someone’s warm and breathing and in the next moment they are cold and hard. And gone as we know it.

I was struck by the sense of loss I experienced. Why was there such a deep, deep void? Why, after all the yoga, meditation, consciousness-expanding spiritual work and growth that comes my way, there’s nothing that really prepared me for grappling with the finality of death?

In all the flurry of questions, there was a moment when I realized why there was such a sense of loss.Continue Reading

The real reason we get creative blocks and how to overcome them


“Close the door. Write with no one looking over your shoulder. Don’t try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It’s the one and only thing you have to offer.”
- Barbara Kingsolver

A blank page. A world waiting to be born.

That’s what it feels like sometimes when we’re beginning to write, when we’re wanting to write, or paint, or compose some creative work.

The vast expanse of canvas looks like a desert we have to cross on foot or unseeded farmland that stretches beyond the horizon.

Acres of land that must be planted one seed at a time.

This is the lot of the artist. The journey of the creative soul that longs to express.

Why does it feel so hard to create? Or rather, to get started creating? Why is it so laborious to bring our dreams and ideas to life?Continue Reading